Wednesday, October 1, 2014

50 freakin' questions

The lovely and talented Marianne over at We Band of Mothers threatened to make me babysit for a week if I didn't answer these questions.  Since I recently became an empty-nester and no longer have the slightest clue how to care for small people (not that I ever really did), I figured it was in her best interest I comply.

1. What are you wearing?

Pervert.

But, if you must know, look HERE.  I'm donning that, and a few nipple hairs.


2. Ever been in love?

But Mama, I LOOOOOOVE him!  Of course.

3. Ever have a terrible break-up?

Married uber-young.  Divorced before most intelligent life forms have even considered getting married.  What do you think?

4. How tall are you?

Five feet, eight inches. 

Wait.

Five feet, seven-and-a-half inches.  I don't know.  It changes every time I go to the doctor.


5. How much do you weigh?

127 pounds.  On my wedding day.  Both of them.

Currently?  That same exact weight.  From the boobs up.


6. Any tattoos?

No.  After earning my stretch marks, I've had an aversion to anything else permanently etched into my skin.  But, by God, I earned those stretch marks.

7. Any piercings?


Ears, multiple times, but I only wear one set now.  Occasionally, I re-poke out the old holes just to feel young and sassy.  (I am totally stealing from Marianne on this one....we're twinsies!)

8. OTP (One true pair, favorite fictional couple?)


Princess Leia and Han Solo.  Shit.  Wait.  That was fiction?


9. Favorite Show?

Again, Marianne stole my answer.  Breaking Bad.  My husband looks like Heisenberg.  It's cool as hell.  We even bought him "the hat."







10. Favorite Bands?

Marianne is my sister from another primate.  I love the Monkees too.  But I'm going with Kansas.

11. Something you miss?

My tight ass.  I used to run marathons.

12. Favorite Song?

Dust in the Wind. 

Now I'm completely depressed.  My happy place!


13. How old are you?


Ummmm...44.  At the moment.

14. Zodiac sign?


I never learned how to sign.


15. Quality to look for in a partner.


Someone who knows how to fix shit.  The right way.
And who loves me, even though I'm not "what he bought."


16. Favorite Quote? 


"Is it just me, or am I tired?"
-my baby girl, Emma


17. Favorite Actor?


Tom Hanks

18. Favorite Color?

The color of sparkly diamonds.


19. Loud music or soft?

 

I mostly go for books on CD.

20. Where do you go when you are sad?


To wine.  (Stole from Marianne again....but I go there happy, too...)


21.  How long does it take you to shower?

Depends if Sasquatch has to shave.


22.  How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

Ready for what?

23. Ever been in a physical fight?


Yes.  My freshman year in high school, my friend Amy and I were bullied by a junior and a senior.  They kept taunting us and calling us lesbians.  Seriously?  Had I been gay, I wouldn't have had a divorce or stretch marks.  I finally took matters into my own hands.  They never bothered us again.

24. Turn on?

#6 from Battlestar Galactica.  Maybe I need to rethink that gay thing.

25. Turn-off?


There's an off switch?


26. The reason I started blogging?

Heisenberg and I built our dream home.  It's ongoing.  I wanted a place I could document our dream because I suck at scrap-booking.  I don't even have photo books of my kids.

But I have 10,000 pictures of my dog.


27. Fears?

Losing a child.  And not like that one time at the mall.  Who told you??

28. Last thing that made you cry?

My colon.  It's shitty.

29. Last time you said you loved someone?

Well, it certainly wasn't my damn cat.

30. Meaning behind the name of your blog (Delusions of Ingenuity)?

There's supposed to be a meaning?

31. Last book you read?

The Apprentice by Tess Gerritsen.

32. Book you are currently reading?

Abducted - A Lizzy Gardner Novel.  It was a freebie I downloaded on Mr. Kindle.  It's....okay.  It's really well-written in some places, and in others, it feels like someone else took over.


33. Last show you watched?

The Good Wife.  No wait...Rizzoli and Isles.  No wait...

This could go on forever.


34. Last person you talked to?


Phil.  But he usually does most the talking.

He's in sales.


35. The relationship between you and the person you just texted?

My sweet daughter.

36. Favorite food?

Pinot Grigio.

 
37. Place you want to visit?

Scotland.  I would love to get my ass back in gear and run the Loch Ness Marathon and see Nessie.  And I'm obsessed with the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon.


38. Last place you were?

Most likely in the crapper.

39.  Do you have a crush?

Well, I do like Marianne.


40. Last time you kissed someone?


Phil.  No.  Eddie.


 

41. Last time you were insulted?

I can't remember, but it was probably when someone told me my memory sucks.

42. Favorite flavor of sweet?

Ummmm...chocolate?

43. What instruments do you play?

I used to be pretty fly at the piano.  Now I let my daughter wear that title.

44. Favorite piece of jewelry?

A beaded necklace Danny made for me in preschool.  I'm not as good a mom as Marianne.  I'm going for my wedding ring.

45. Last sport you played?

Does laundry count?

46. Last song you sang?

Probably Take a Chance on Me.  Every once in a while, Phil and I get in our Abba groove and he does backup.  Freaks the kids the hell out.

47. Favorite chat up line?

Yeah...I got nothin.

48. Have you ever used it?

 

Used what?

49.  Last time you hung out with anyone?


I don't really hang.  So I guess that would be Phil since we've kinda shacked up.

50. Who should answer these questions next?

I'm passing the torch to:

My bestie, Heather, at the Beating Hearth.
Hilarious Bliss at Bliss Ranch
Says-it-like-it-is Dana at Witless Relocation Program.
My dry-wit hero, Janie Junebug at WOMEN: We Shall Overcome.

Of course, no obligation.  But I know where you live.

Okay, I don't.  So no biggie if you don't want to play.


26 comments:

  1. I totally love you. My thoughts: #1 - your husband is SO Heisenberg. #2 You rock on the piano. #3 I can't fit into my wedding ring, so I resent it. #4 ABBA & Kansas...YES. #5 The crush is mutual.

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  2. WTF?!?! :) I was going to make a comment on your very attractive camel toe from the, what you're wearing post, and then you pull this funny business. You owe me. Big time.

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  3. I laughed all the way through and had several comments, then I saw Eddie and just got so distracted by his adorableness!

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  4. I need to know if you and Philly have ABBA outfits and afro wigs.
    And is it just me, or do Philly and Eddie resemble one another?
    Does Eddie have a hat?

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  5. That's my favorite food, too! ;)

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  6. Oh gosh! I really needed this today--LOL! You are witty and wonderful. :)

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  7. SO funny!...YOU are so funny. I am glad you did not pick me :) seriously...that's 50 questions...

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  8. You and Kirby took all the good answers.

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  9. Great questions and great answers as well

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  10. Somehow your answers don't surprise me. Well, maybe the fist fight one did. I don't scrapbook either but at one time I did have my photos sorted with index cards in photo boxes. Sadly they got out of order and I can't be bothered doing it all again. I figure it will give the kids something to do when I'm dead.

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  11. Umm I just love you and given many of those answers you are a kindred spirit xx

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  12. Wow....I learned a few things...just a few. But, as usual, your post made me laugh a lot first thing in the morning and I thank you for that!

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  13. Well first and foremost, I love how you acted like a lady answering these questions and kept it sophisticated----NOT! Sometimes I read what you write and have to hang onto the table so I don't fall off my chair--I just love you.
    And by way, you clean up real good. You are rockin' that pink dress in your linked post. Gorgeous.
    Fondly,
    -Lisa

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  14. I'm jumping on the Eddie-needs-a-Heisenberg-hat wagon. This was a hilarious way to start my day.

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  15. I would kiss Eddie too...really...he is too cute.

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  16. I love Eddie. I love Breaking Bad. And I love you.

    Ok, that last one was weird and awkward.

    Now let's see if this comment goes through!

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  17. Yay!!!! The problem isn't with Blogger, it's my iPad. I'm commenting on my Mac. I spent hours on the phone with Apple yesterday, but no change :(.

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  18. hahahahahahahahahaha. You are so freaking funny! Thanks for a fun start to my morning Andi! Cheers.

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  19. I hate you. Philly does not look like Heisenberg, and I don't care that he has the hat. I can't remember if the subject of Kansas, as in the band, has come up before, but some of them went to my high school. No, I do not know them. I think they are at least ten years older than I am. You should get together with X. He has a Kansas obsession. Sick bastard (him, not you).

    Love,
    Janie

    And what is it about this dry wit thing that I get? I'm not trying to be funny. I'm just frickin' me.

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  20. Your first husband wasn't a life form at all. But your kids are perfect, like you are. ( I failed in comma placement again. Didn't I.)

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  21. Freakin' hilarious!! Thanks for the laughs!!

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  22. Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only 17..dut dut du dut dut dut. Girl, I love me some Abba! In 2nd grade we made snowballs and smashed them on the side of our brick apartments to spell ABBA lol. You so funny :P

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  23. You are a trip! So funny! I'm glad I peed first!

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  24. WOW. I'm gonna take Janie out behind the Convenient store where she lives and work her over for ya. NO ONE puts Andi in the corner.. That's MY entertainment.....I mean JOB.

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