Wednesday, August 24, 2016

checkerboard accent table


If you'd warned me you were coming, I would have put on a bra.

Quite a few of you told me recently that you'd gone back and read some of my very early posts. Let me tell you the pain and humiliation I'm feeling right now.

I'm feeling pain and humiliation right now.

True confession: When I started this blog, I had never read a blog. I didn't follow blogs. I had no idea what a blog was, beyond the fact it was a "web log," which eventually became known as a "blog."

I wanted to document the building of our new home, and I knew if I didn't do it electronically, it was never going to happen. I am not a scrapbooker. That would require organizational (and artsificational) skills beyond my ken. Therefore, I took tentative steps into the unknown and breathed life into delusions. (As a side note, this little slice of heaven just had its fourth bloggiversary!)

I posted some projects to get my feet wet and learn the ropes. One of my earliest furniture makeovers is still one of my favorites. This sassy accent table lives right next to my sofa, which, in turn, lives right behind my Neurotic Buffet.

The original post makes me cringe. Thankfully, it hasn't received much attention or adulation. The original post blew chunks. But I feel this table deserves a second chance at notoriety. Won't you help a table out?

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Friday, August 19, 2016

i like big decks and i cannot lie {part one}

Well, hello there!

I thought I'd catch you up on Phil's Summer 2016 project:

The $437,000 Deck

I may be exaggerating a wee bit, but it certainly has been pricey. Perhaps we would have gone with a more conservative plan had we realized how much of our kids' inheritance we were going to be spending.

Maybe something like this:

That would have been totally affordable. 
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Sunday, August 7, 2016

DIY wedding date sign


I have a fun little project today that will segue (at a later date) into a larger project that's been in the works for several months. But let's not get ahead of ourselves, m'kay?

Right now it's all about Adversity Day. Because it's today! 

Today marks seventeen years of Phil and Andi avoiding death at each other's hands. If you missed my other Adversity Day posts, you can see them here and here and here!

Remember when I stole a bunch of rough-sawn cedar from our neighbor and we made amazing things out of it? Like our Pot Farm? And our DIY Headboard? And our Trellis of all Time?

We still have scads left over, and since neither Phil nor I can ever remember when or why we got married, I thought I'd make us a little sign to mark that blessed event.

At least it will remind us of when we got married, if not why.

Phil cut four boards and used his Kreg jig to screw them together. I slapped together some type I liked and printed it out. I'm pretty sure I got the date right. I sure hope so, otherwise it defeats the whole purpose of the project, and this blog post can go straight into the "fail" column.

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Saturday, July 30, 2016

bleeding john deere green


Who remembers our sexy shed? You do? You, my friends, are marvelous!

I'd like to tell you about the wee beasties who live in the shed, but first, a little background.

I had an amazing childhood. This was mostly due to the fact I'm the youngest of six children, and by the time my parents got around to raising me, they were understandably exhausted.

But it was also amazing because we had a huge yard, and I got to ride a tractor and mow the grass while belting out "Billy Don't Be a Hero" at the top of my lungs. I knew every single line. The 70s and 80s were an amazing time to be a kid, were they not?

We had a John Deere tractor, and our dog, Ernie, LOVED to help mow (as long as it didn't cut into his fornication time . . . he spawned countless illegitimate pups across the 'hood).

My sister has a great picture of Ernie on the tractor, but she can't find it. So basically, my sister sucks. But the tractor looked something like this:

not our actual tractor

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Saturday, July 23, 2016

me, myself, and buffet

Hello, and happy Saturday!

Does this post title make you experience a bit of déjà vu? No worries. It doesn't last long, and it doesn't leave a rash or anything. 

You may be experiencing déjà vu due to the fact I shared a post called me, myself, and chair a couple years back. If you recall, I regaled you with the conversation I had with my wingback chair, which then led to a spot of trouble in which we became embroiled.

I'm here to tell you I've been communing with the furniture again.

Buffet and I have cohabitated for a very long time. In fact, we've been together longer than I've lived with any single human being. Twenty-seven years to be exact-ish. He came to me from my Grandma, who is no longer with us. Buffet lives on. But he's been looking increasingly shabby.

Buffet has been whispering inappropriate notions in my ear for quite some time. I'm normally able to ignore the voices in my head, but Buffet has been persistent.

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Thursday, July 7, 2016

the cutest, sexiest shed of all time

Well, hello there! We haven't chatted in a while, so I thought I'd catch you up on a project Phil whipped up last summer during my little blog-cation.

We're not new to the shed-building business. Phil built a shed at our old house, but the only thing that made it cute and sexy was me.


Compared to our new one, the old one was a real piece of shed.

We decided to up our game at the new place. Actually, the covenants required us to up our game whether we wanted to or not. The shed had to be made of the same materials we used on the house. And since we didn't side our house with hubcabs (like I wanted), we decided not to do that with the shed, either.

But it was tempting.

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Tuesday, June 14, 2016

the hutch (or...g*#d@%%!# andi! part 2)

If you remember my original post about this sweet little hutch, you've been with me a very long time. I honestly don't know much about furniture, so I'm calling it a mid-century style hutch.

Is it a desk? Is it a hutch?

Oh, let's compromise and call him Dutch.

Hello All, meet Dutch:

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Wednesday, June 8, 2016

philosaurus rex: dinosaur hunter

We interrupt our regularly-scheduled lack of a post to bring you a very special edition of Philosaurus Rex: Dinosaur Hunter.

It was the morning following a dark and stormy night. No, really. It stormed so violently it snapped us back into a time when dinosaurs and Freddie Mercury roamed the earth.

Our fearless trapper braved the basement that morning for a little hunting and gathering. The tell-tale scraping upon our window glass told him he'd been successful in capturing his prey.

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Wednesday, June 1, 2016

andi's pantry project {part 4 - reveal!}

This is it. The big one. The one you have all been waiting for.

Well, I have anyway.

If you missed Part One, check it out HERE.
If you missed Part Two, check it out HERE.

If you missed Part Three, check it out HERE.

If you're looking for Part Four, you've come to the right place. I was planning to break this into two posts, because there is a TON of content.

But I've had death threats.

So get comfortable and read on. Want a sneak peek?

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Saturday, May 28, 2016

the trellis of all time

Hello, my fellow delusionals! I'm so happy you're here, even though I do realize most of you are only here for Eddie. I can't say that I blame you.

Any time Philly or I come up with something far more fabulous and amazing than what our Visa card alone can provide, we call it the "blank" of all time.

For example, Eddie is the Schnauzer of all time.

Oh, my sweetness. Can you believe him???

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Tuesday, May 24, 2016

landscaping around the flag pole, Master Yoda, and ticks

Greetings! I hope you're all having a wonderful week. I was the lucky recipient of a colonoscopy recently, which is more fun than a tick infestation. (More on that later.) I love coming out of the anesthesia and discovering which random quote will fall from my numb, dry lips.

This one was Philly's all-time favorite. I clearly believed I was dying, so I raised my head ever-so-slightly and uttered, "But Master Yoda, you can't die..."

Obviously, I'm a Jedi Master.

You can't make that shit up.

Did you see my beautiful flag? And look at that amazing landscaping surrounding it. The way the parched, dried earth surrounds and embraces the dandelions? I'm awesome at gardening.

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Friday, May 13, 2016

F the cork monogram

Happy Friday!

I am far more skilled as a drinker of wine than I am as a crafter of crafts. In fact, I'm a firm believer that wine can only enhance the crafting experience, and, subsequently, the completed craft. I failed miserably at crafting as a kid (now we know why--the only wine to which I had access was Communion wine--no crafting going on then), and I haven't improved much through the ages of stretch marks and bunions. I have attempted two hang things for my front door and they both sucked. I can make quilts of my own design, I dabble in cross-stitch, but other than that, I'm useless.

When you're a wino, and you have a couple of wino sisters, you tend to acquire more corks than a teenager does pimples. That is, of course, after you graduate from the boxed wines to those bottle-shaped bottles that actually come with corks. Corks are a total bonus.

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