Saturday, April 11, 2020

gracie chronicles vol. VII: the haircut

What the hell am I doing on this blog again?

I thought Mom turned in the keys to this old jalopy?

And what's up with this CornBread-19 thing? I personally love CornBread, but I've never been allowed to have 19 of them unless no one was looking. And I don't see what the fuss is all about, except it means my Hoomans are home constantly, and a girl can't get a decent haircut anymore.

Mom tried to do Eddie's hair once upon a time, but decided there are certain DIYs that she's not cut out for. You see what I did there? So, like an actual smart person, she donated the doggie clippers...about five minutes before the CornBread-19 thing started heating up. And my beauty shop shut down.

But I'm a hairy beast and I need some attention!

For the love of Dog. She bought more clippers. I'm doomed. 

Woof. I am Gracie.

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Saturday, April 4, 2020

tv wall revisited {board and batten}

Hello, my people!

Are you still there?

Are you keeping your fingers out of other people's noses?

Are you refraining from licking the canned corn at Wal-Mart?

Are you dug in like an Alabama tick? We are! Like two of them, actually, and getting fatter by the minute. I expect us to burst any moment now.

I know I've been absent for a very long time, and I was doubtful I would ever be back. But, circumstances dictate otherwise!

A couple years ago, I went back to work full-time, and that was the beginning of the steady decline of this here little piece of heaven on earth. But, since the worldwide CoronaCation has begun, I find myself with extra wine on my hands, and the need to boss Philly around. Fear not! I'm using my powers for good!

While I'm still working full-time (from home), I can start my day much earlier, because I no longer have a commute, and showers are optional. My bras are all on sabbatical until this is over. As are all depilatory devices. My moustache/nose hair combo should be in full bloom by the time I go back to the office. I can't wait.

But hey! Let's talk about how to build a wall! Actually, there are a ton of tutorials out there for doing what we did, and this is nothing original. Just like those thin mint cookies I just ate. Seriously. What happened to those?

Some of you remember where this wall started. A long time ago.

Awww...Eddie's rope toy! Miss you, buddy!

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Friday, October 19, 2018

gracie chronicles vol. VI: happy wanderer

Greetings, blog people!

I'm a Scorpio, and I love long walks through the neighbors' lawns where I can poop in large quantities so they know I've been thinking about them.

And exactly what I've been thinking about them.

AND, if the vet has it right, and I'm really nine years old, that would put me in the Year of the Ox on the Chinese zodiac.

Silence, whippersnappers.

Mom's friend (the other Andrea) asked why she hasn't posted on the blog in a long time, and Mom blamed it on...whatever.

Then there was something about no motivation or inspiration. And some crap about candy. So her friend sent her this:

Mom felt so inspired that she promptly started to eat the candy and told ME to write a post or she'd make me live outside the rest of my life. Without candy.

Woof. I am Gracie.

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Sunday, February 25, 2018

hooters {a vintage barrel chair makeover}

Upholstery is not my forte.

Did you know forte is pronounced "fort," and not "for-tay"? While "for-tay" is a widely-accepted pronunciation, if you love being right (at the cost of your only friend thinking you are an idiot), pronounce it "fort." It's a great conversation starter.

It's really not a great conversation starter.

Wine. Wine is a great conversation starter. Especially if you are talking to yourself. I have tons of experience with this, so let me know if you need some pointers.

I bought this chair ra-cheer.

I'm pointing out the three-year layer of dust, because people always seem to notice it anyway, and think I'm completely oblivious. I just want you to know I totally notice this stuff after I take pictures of it, and I still post it for billions of people to see.

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Sunday, October 29, 2017

laundry room makeover part two {finale}

How excited are you to see my laundry room? You're SUPER excited, you say?

Have you no life?

If you missed part one, you can see it HERE!

I did things a little bassackwards with this project, in that I showed you part of the finished product prior to demonstrating the carnival of chaos this room once was. 

But here's a little glimpse of cuteness before we get to that:

You're in for a treat, because it looked so much worse before.

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Saturday, October 21, 2017

laundry room makeover part one {and free printable!}

Hello, and a warm welcome to new readers! Old ones, too, right?

It's no secret that with pretty much everything I do, I enjoy it more once I've established a deep, meaningful relationship with someone in my current wine collection.

Well, the cat's out of the bag meow, at any rate.

We've put the finishing touches on our tiny laundry room, and I'm going to share my cabinet with you today. While it's not technically a liquor cabinet, I suppose you could use it in any capacity you see fit. I'm actually using it for its intended purpose, which is to hold laundry stuff, because I don't need to hide my alcohol yet.

There are lots of cute laundry décor ideas out there, but none of them really suited my fancy, so I made up my own.

You may be picking up on a theme on this blog.

Most laundry loads are broken out into two major categories, right? Whites (or lights) and darks.

It just so happens my wines of choice are broken out in the exact same way! I decided to incorporate my favorite drinking buddies into my laundry design. I really don't think it's that much of a stretch.

But that might be the wine talking.

Here's what I came up with:

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Monday, October 9, 2017

a year in the life of pie

My Reesie-Pie just turned one year old. That's twelve months in baby years. I just turned five hundred sixty-nine months, in case you were wondering. I'll wait while ya'll get your calculators out.

She's growing so fast! Isn't she beautiful? Grandi thinks so, too.

Of course we had a smash cake, but more on that later. Can we have a year in review? Because I certainly don't know where the time has gone! 

The day she was born. Be still my heart.

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Sunday, September 24, 2017

gracie chronicles vol. V: sick dog

Holy dog poop.

Mom hasn't let me write a blog post since March.


But I got sick. So she's feeling a little sorry for me. As she should.

Woof. I am Gracie.

It all started on Labor Day weekend. I was minding my own business, chasing down unsavory characters in the neighborhood (my usual daily enterprise). I felt fine during the day, but in the middle of the night, I became afflicted with nausea. Naturally, I vomited on the blanket covering Mom and Dad. But I was quiet and stealthy in my vomiting, because I didn't want to disturb them.

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Sunday, September 10, 2017

guest bathroom round two: the finale

Hello and welcome back!

If you're joining us late, you can catch up on part one of the guest bathroom HERE.

For those us who haven't already had too much to drink this morning, you might remember we left off with the vanity Phil built for The Room Where Dad Poops Every Morning.

It looks totally amazing.

But this is NOTHING compared to how this room looks now!

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Sunday, August 20, 2017

guest bathroom round one: the vanity

Greetings! I've been absent. During that absence, I switched my e-mail subscriptions over to Mailchimp, and I don't know if those apes will successfully deliver this post. To anyone. Ever. Let me know, will ya?

In the meantime, I'll endeavor to write a read-worthy post and pretend there is someone out there who will at least take a peek. Otherwise, what's the point?

We've been living in our new home nearly four years now, and our guest bathroom is still unfinished. While that might sound like a terrible inconvenience, no one really likes us enough to want to be our guest in the first place. Probably because we make you bring your own beer, wine, and food, and insist you bring us a supply as well. (I like any Sauvignon Blanc as well as Apothic Dark for future reference.)

Or, perhaps it's because Gracie refers to the guest bathroom as "The Room Where Dad Poops Every Morning." 

That's right. There's a toilet, but unless you want to wash your hands in the bathtub (or in the toilet you just defiled), you must find an alternative soap-and-water source.

So, why does Philly poop here instead of in our beautiful master bath? It's simple. There are two creatures indigenous to this particular bathroom that are terribly important to his "process." 

First? The Squatty Potty (or, as I call it, the poop stool--which is a bit redundant and makes me giggle). Second is Mr. Kindle, upon which Philly ruthlessly battles Spider Solitaire while taking care of business.

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Sunday, April 9, 2017

reesie piecie: buffet/changing table

I can admit it.

I've been letting Gracie do all the heavy lifting around here lately. What little lifting has been done, anyway.

Phil and I tend to hibernate over the winter and lose all motivation to do anything and everything.

Except eat. We never lose motivation to eat. Because there's delicious wintertime comfort food to be had, and we look forward to putting on our thirty pounds of winter fat.


At least it gives us something to bitch about come springtime.

Nevertheless, I will continue to let Gracie have the run of the blog whenever she feels compelled; but, in the meantime, I have a furniture makeover for you today! And it's about bloody time, because it's for Reese, and she's already seven months old.

Holy poop-filled diapers. How did that happen so quickly? And why am I so late with this project?

Before you know it, Reese will be old enough to see that her Grandi occasionally swears on the blog.

In my defense, the kids have been renovating an old house and they are finally getting ready to move in. So, as far as I'm concerned, I'm not late at all, because I'm a wizard. And, as we all know, a wizard is never late, nor is she early. She arrives precisely when she means to.

Now, onto the buffet.

Only the finest for my grandnugget.

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Wednesday, March 8, 2017

gracie chronicles vol. IV: psycho dog

I know. I know.

Mom promised you a furniture post, but like the good ratter I was bred to be, I nosed my way in yet again.

Personally, I find the title of this post rude and offensive. Psycho Dog. As if.

First of all, I'm not a D-O-G. I'm a Schnauzer. You didn't know there is a difference? Yes. There's a great difference.

Also, Mom happens to think I'm a complete psycho when I'm in the car. I think I'm completely amazing.

Woof. I am Gracie.

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