Wednesday, March 8, 2017

gracie chronicles vol. IV: psycho dog

I know. I know.

Mom promised you a furniture post, but like the good ratter I was bred to be, I nosed my way in yet again.

Personally, I find the title of this post rude and offensive. Psycho Dog. As if.

First of all, I'm not a D-O-G. I'm a Schnauzer. You didn't know there is a difference? Yes. There's a great difference.

Also, Mom happens to think I'm a complete psycho when I'm in the car. I think I'm completely amazing.

Woof. I am Gracie.


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Wednesday, March 1, 2017

gracie chronicles vol. III: wonder bred

I hope you're enjoying my taking over Mom's blog as much as I am. I also hope she trims my toenails soon, because it's becoming increasingly difficult to type.

She swears (a lot) that she's going to post a furniture project again soon (for that Reese-Baby, no less), but I just happen to be providing convenient blog fodder for the moment.

Woof. I am Gracie.


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Saturday, January 14, 2017

gracie chronicles vol. II: table dancer

"I've been taking up every spare moment of Mom's time."

This is the lie Mom wants me to tell you so you're not mad at her for being absent from the interwebs since before December. Instead, she wants you to blame ME for her truancy. Moi. Gracie. Because I'm a dog, and she doesn't think I'm capable of revealing that lie to you gracious and kindhearted folks.

Oh. And she's going to force me to tell you a couple stories I'd rather not discuss.

Because they made me get in trouble.

Woof. I am Gracie.



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Wednesday, November 30, 2016

gracie chronicles vol. I: rogue bladder

My bladder has gone rogue. I had surgery almost four weeks ago, and I still leak piddle like a sieve, and I'm so embarrassed. I heard Mom say diaper the other day, and I don't think she was talking about the Reese-Baby

Speaking of the Reese-Baby, Mom made this adhorrible picture of me and the Reese-Baby all smooshed together. We are a few of her favorite things, so let's see what we look like as a dog-baby stew, right?

She calls it Grace-Swap. She thinks she's so clever.

Woof. I am Greecie.



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Friday, November 18, 2016

reese lynn's quilt of many colors

Whoa. Thank goodness you're here.

I made two very important stops the other month. The purpose of those stops will reveal itself shortly.

Do you remember this?



And this?



Yeah, I'm way fatter than that now. What did you expect? My granddaughter was ready to come bursting forth from the womb at the moment I began typing this. And I've been gaining gran-pathy fat.

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Sunday, November 13, 2016

gracie

I want to eat The Cat.

I want to eat The Cat so badly I think she would be the tastiest of morsels.

My cat-eating plans continue to be thwarted.

So I will wait. I will be patient, even though that is not in a Schnauzer's nature. I will give Mom, Dad, and Cat a false sense of security.

Then I will make my oh-so-delicious move.

Woof. I am Gracie.



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Wednesday, November 2, 2016

the empty bowl

It's obvious when a bowl is empty, right?

It's a basic assumption we can recognize an empty bowl when we see one. Sometimes that empty bowl will stare us in the face, and yet, we look beyond it.

At other times, that empty bowl will slap us in the face and demand to be recognized.



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Wednesday, October 12, 2016

i like big decks and i cannot lie {part three}

It's officially mimosa time.

Why does everyone say "sip mimosas"? I heard these words fall out of my own mouth, and the lie echoed loudly in my ears. Let's slam mimosas. Because at least that has the ring of truth to it.

And I'll have none of that pulpy orange juice. If it doesn't flow willingly down the gullet, it tends to slow down (and, thus, ruin) the experience.

Better yet, let's make mimosas with apple cider, vodka, and bubbly. Because fall has arrived. My daughter, Emma, found this recipe and we had to try it out. Yum yum. 

I love drinking with children.




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Monday, September 19, 2016

big-screen tv gallery wall

Hello, and welcome to my wall! I like to call it the vomit wall, but I thought you might not have come for a visit had I called it so.

I'm quite sure you're all familiar with the gallery wall concept. I'm not plowing any new ground here, except for that in my own home. If you're unfamiliar with this ingenious design concept, you won't be for long.

If you are a minimalist and hate this type of design, continue at your own risk. You've been duly warned.

The purpose of this project was not to hide my big-ass TV. Or even my big ass. I've read quite a few posts on TV gallery walls, and the reason for their gallery was to "hide, camouflage, or disappear" the flat-screen.

Unless you hang a whale on the wall in front of my TV, you're going to see it.

Personally, I don't mind the big black blob on the wall. It helps me see Chris Hemsworth better. I do mind the endless space around the big black blob. It's a blah blob.

Bob Loblaw Law Blog. You, sir, are a mouthful.



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Monday, September 12, 2016

my heart overflows

I don't know how to begin this post. I suppose I will simply begin writing, and the words will come.

Some of you are aware I became a grandmother last week. 

(I'll pause here a moment to bask in the warmth of your disbelief.)

I don't know how it happened, but somewhere between sleeping and waking, this sweet baby boy grew up. Not that he had far to go, mind you. I swear he was using my uterus as a frat house, since he came out mostly grown at ten pounds, ten ounces.

Twenty-five years ago.

Toting an empty beer bottle.

While driving a car.

Blasting AC/DC.

And sporting tats.



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Tuesday, September 6, 2016

i like big decks and i cannot lie {part two}

Phil's out playing with his deck again. By himself. Where everyone can see.

As if the neighbors didn't have enough to complain about.

Here's where we left off with our $437,000 deck:



What's that? You don't think it looks like a $437,000 deck? In all honesty, neither do I. Except for this next bit.

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Wednesday, August 31, 2016

get drunk and paint a picture night

Do you have those paint-and-drink studios where you live? You know, where you can have an artist walk you through the steps of creating a masterpiece, all while imbibing your favorite tasty alcoholic beverage? My daughter calls this the "get-drunk-and-paint-a-picture thing."

She's a girl after my own heart.

Meet Emma. I love this picture of us. She doesn't always dress up in leopard spandex with pink and green sprouts in her hair, although she should. In fact, I like the look so much, I think I'll run out and get my own similar combo.

This picture was after her unforgettable performance as Paulette in Legally Blonde this summer.

She. Was. Awesome.



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