Sunday, April 9, 2017

reesie piecie: buffet/changing table

I can admit it.

I've been letting Gracie do all the heavy lifting around here lately. What little lifting has been done, anyway.

Phil and I tend to hibernate over the winter and lose all motivation to do anything and everything.

Except eat. We never lose motivation to eat. Because there's delicious wintertime comfort food to be had, and we look forward to putting on our thirty pounds of winter fat.

Each.

At least it gives us something to bitch about come springtime.

Nevertheless, I will continue to let Gracie have the run of the blog whenever she feels compelled; but, in the meantime, I have a furniture makeover for you today! And it's about bloody time, because it's for Reese, and she's already seven months old.

Holy poop-filled diapers. How did that happen so quickly? And why am I so late with this project?

Before you know it, Reese will be old enough to see that her Grandi occasionally swears on the blog.

In my defense, the kids have been renovating an old house and they are finally getting ready to move in. So, as far as I'm concerned, I'm not late at all, because I'm a wizard. And, as we all know, a wizard is never late, nor is she early. She arrives precisely when she means to.

Now, onto the buffet.

Only the finest for my grandnugget.



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Wednesday, March 8, 2017

gracie chronicles vol. IV: psycho dog

I know. I know.

Mom promised you a furniture post, but like the good ratter I was bred to be, I nosed my way in yet again.

Personally, I find the title of this post rude and offensive. Psycho Dog. As if.

First of all, I'm not a D-O-G. I'm a Schnauzer. You didn't know there is a difference? Yes. There's a great difference.

Also, Mom happens to think I'm a complete psycho when I'm in the car. I think I'm completely amazing.

Woof. I am Gracie.


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Wednesday, March 1, 2017

gracie chronicles vol. III: wonder bred

I hope you're enjoying my taking over Mom's blog as much as I am. I also hope she trims my toenails soon, because it's becoming increasingly difficult to type.

She swears (a lot) that she's going to post a furniture project again soon (for that Reese-Baby, no less), but I just happen to be providing convenient blog fodder for the moment.

Woof. I am Gracie.


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Saturday, January 14, 2017

gracie chronicles vol. II: table dancer

"I've been taking up every spare moment of Mom's time."

This is the lie Mom wants me to tell you so you're not mad at her for being absent from the interwebs since before December. Instead, she wants you to blame ME for her truancy. Moi. Gracie. Because I'm a dog, and she doesn't think I'm capable of revealing that lie to you gracious and kindhearted folks.

Oh. And she's going to force me to tell you a couple stories I'd rather not discuss.

Because they made me get in trouble.

Woof. I am Gracie.



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Wednesday, November 30, 2016

gracie chronicles vol. I: rogue bladder

My bladder has gone rogue. I had surgery almost four weeks ago, and I still leak piddle like a sieve, and I'm so embarrassed. I heard Mom say diaper the other day, and I don't think she was talking about the Reese-Baby

Speaking of the Reese-Baby, Mom made this adhorrible picture of me and the Reese-Baby all smooshed together. We are a few of her favorite things, so let's see what we look like as a dog-baby stew, right?

She calls it Grace-Swap. She thinks she's so clever.

Woof. I am Greecie.



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Friday, November 18, 2016

reese lynn's quilt of many colors

Whoa. Thank goodness you're here.

I made two very important stops the other month. The purpose of those stops will reveal itself shortly.

Do you remember this?



And this?



Yeah, I'm way fatter than that now. What did you expect? My granddaughter was ready to come bursting forth from the womb at the moment I began typing this. And I've been gaining gran-pathy fat.

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Sunday, November 13, 2016

gracie

I want to eat The Cat.

I want to eat The Cat so badly I think she would be the tastiest of morsels.

My cat-eating plans continue to be thwarted.

So I will wait. I will be patient, even though that is not in a Schnauzer's nature. I will give Mom, Dad, and Cat a false sense of security.

Then I will make my oh-so-delicious move.

Woof. I am Gracie.



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Wednesday, November 2, 2016

the empty bowl

It's obvious when a bowl is empty, right?

It's a basic assumption we can recognize an empty bowl when we see one. Sometimes that empty bowl will stare us in the face, and yet, we look beyond it.

At other times, that empty bowl will slap us in the face and demand to be recognized.



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Wednesday, October 12, 2016

i like big decks and i cannot lie {part three}

It's officially mimosa time.

Why does everyone say "sip mimosas"? I heard these words fall out of my own mouth, and the lie echoed loudly in my ears. Let's slam mimosas. Because at least that has the ring of truth to it.

And I'll have none of that pulpy orange juice. If it doesn't flow willingly down the gullet, it tends to slow down (and, thus, ruin) the experience.

Better yet, let's make mimosas with apple cider, vodka, and bubbly. Because fall has arrived. My daughter, Emma, found this recipe and we had to try it out. Yum yum. 

I love drinking with children.




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Monday, September 19, 2016

big-screen tv gallery wall

Hello, and welcome to my wall! I like to call it the vomit wall, but I thought you might not have come for a visit had I called it so.

I'm quite sure you're all familiar with the gallery wall concept. I'm not plowing any new ground here, except for that in my own home. If you're unfamiliar with this ingenious design concept, you won't be for long.

If you are a minimalist and hate this type of design, continue at your own risk. You've been duly warned.

The purpose of this project was not to hide my big-ass TV. Or even my big ass. I've read quite a few posts on TV gallery walls, and the reason for their gallery was to "hide, camouflage, or disappear" the flat-screen.

Unless you hang a whale on the wall in front of my TV, you're going to see it.

Personally, I don't mind the big black blob on the wall. It helps me see Chris Hemsworth better. I do mind the endless space around the big black blob. It's a blah blob.

Bob Loblaw Law Blog. You, sir, are a mouthful.



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Monday, September 12, 2016

my heart overflows

I don't know how to begin this post. I suppose I will simply begin writing, and the words will come.

Some of you are aware I became a grandmother last week. 

(I'll pause here a moment to bask in the warmth of your disbelief.)

I don't know how it happened, but somewhere between sleeping and waking, this sweet baby boy grew up. Not that he had far to go, mind you. I swear he was using my uterus as a frat house, since he came out mostly grown at ten pounds, ten ounces.

Twenty-five years ago.

Toting an empty beer bottle.

While driving a car.

Blasting AC/DC.

And sporting tats.



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Tuesday, September 6, 2016

i like big decks and i cannot lie {part two}

Phil's out playing with his deck again. By himself. Where everyone can see.

As if the neighbors didn't have enough to complain about.

Here's where we left off with our $437,000 deck:



What's that? You don't think it looks like a $437,000 deck? In all honesty, neither do I. Except for this next bit.

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