Saturday, August 22, 2015

that d@mn cat {part deux}

She's back.

If you missed episode one, see that HERE.

No, seriously. Go check it won't regret it.  Well, maybe you will, but that's not my problem is it?

Izzy has graced us with her presence religiously since her reappearance in November 2013.  I prefer to think of it as her reincarnation because that makes way more sense considering I was Shirley MacLaine in a previous life.

Unfortunately, Izzy didn't come back as a cabana boy.

We're used to going a day or two, or even three (occasionally) without seeing the little hairball.  Gone missing a week to 10 days?  That's reason to celebrate worry.

Philly: She's gone this time.  We're never going to see her again.  I'm burning her house.

Me: This has all happened before, and it will all happen again.  Don't burn her house just yet.  You know if you do, she'll turn up and you'll have to build her a new one.

Joyful, cat-free days fly by with no sightings.  We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.

Then Emma comes home for a couple days. The jig is up. We're going to have to break the glorious news.

Strangely, Emma doesn't seem the least bit concerned.  Clearly, she doesn't give two craps about her cat like we do.

Soon it's time for Emma to take her leave, so we're all saying our fare-thee-wells, and Emma decides to say goodbye to Izzy.  She walks along the side of the house and calls for That Damn Cat.

Philly and I exchange knowing glances. That Damn Cat is Gone, Girl.  Never to be seen again.  She's dust in the wind "mrrweow...??" the pussy-footed little shite comes wandering out of the rose bushes like she's been there all along.

Of course, Emma is clueless as my mouth gapes open while Japanese beetles swarm my epiglottis.

Oh, and it's all love, love, love freakin purr, purr, purr.

After Emma left, and I roused out of my state of despair shock, I asked That Damn Cat, "Where have you been, and why are you back?"

Meow, meow, meow freakin purr, purr, purr.

The Zombie Catpocalypse occurred and she was one of those infected, only to return and never die.

It's the only explanation. Unless you buy the Shirley MacLaine crap.

Creme Puff?  Thirty-eight years old?  Ptttthhhht.  That Damn Cat will make it to 40.  Wa-freakin-hoo.


In other news, we just got back from attending a 50th Adversity-Day party.  These are wonderful people I've known most of my life, and for some reason they still like me. Their daughter is one of my oldest and very dearest friends. I don't mean she's old she's my age we've been friends since barely out of diapers. For example, when her Dad worked at the local college, he took us to their theater to watch ALL 3 STAR WARS EPISODES BACK-TO-BACK! Best day ever. We also took a bus trip together to Washington, DC. 

Great, great friend. Anyway...

Her uncle approaches us at the party and says, "Is this the friend who taught you how to swear?"

Me: Well, I don't remember doing that, but it does certainly sound like me.

Actually, I turned bright red and was speechless for the first time in my life.

My reputation precedes me. I'm infamous. I'm a bad influence.

It's about time I was recognized for my true talents.

If you missed my own Adversity-Day swearing post, you can read about that HERE

And my son is getting married in 6 weeks. Can I lose 30 f#$%(#@ pounds by then?

I didn't f#$%(#@ think so.


  1. I need to be your friend for life! I'm going back and reading everything you've ever written! You have to be the funniest person ever! Keep writing, I'd be sooo depressed if you ever stopped!

    1. Well, my goodness we can't have you depressed. Have you read everything yet? :P

  2. I've missed you! You make me laugh. I read part one about the cat, and now I'm jealous of your photo shop skills. When the cat was gone, baby, gone, did she kill Doogie Houser? If I were asked about teaching someone to swear, I would own up to it, no red face, proud as I can be. I taught my children to curse. It has served them well.


  3. A spactacular linktastical event! Me...ow!

  4. If you think you can lose 30 pounds in 6 weeks, you ARE delusional...unless you lose a limb or two. In other news, I'm not sure how to feel about the cat.

  5. That damn cat was made to be part of your family.

    Now I have to go look up what epiglottis is..

  6. God I wished you would freaking post more often, it's the best day ever when you do. I still love 'ya man.

  7. Watch for That Damn Cat nibbling on you while you sleep...shudder... you might just turn into a zombie cat yourself. I love having a buddy who effing curses and congrats on the wedding date. Good luck on the 30 lbs.

  8. Watch for That Damn Cat nibbling on you while you sleep...shudder... you might just turn into a zombie cat yourself. I love having a buddy who effing curses and congrats on the wedding date. Good luck on the 30 lbs.

  9. I have a damn cat as well, that I haven't seen for weeks now and I hop he'll turn up some day just like yours! Good luck on losing the pounds... maybe it would be easier to loose the swearing?.... Nah!

  10. I felt like I was watching an episode of BSG for a minute. So really, how do you feel about that cat? God bless you for teaching your friend the finer things in life! Everyone needs a friend like you Andi! Cheers.

  11. Recently there was a news article here about a cat that turned up four years later and seriously I thought it might be "that damn cat" she has a home in every country in the world???

  12. I'm so glad you were happily reunited with your beloved pet. I said many a prayer for that joyous outcome (my prayers are magically awesome) and I will continue to pray that you never be parted again. You are welcome.

  13. ps - I never learned to swear very well. Clearly, I needed a friend like you in my formative years.


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