Saturday, November 1, 2014

you're so stupid, rose!! {a painful chair makeover}

I hope you all survived Halloween.  I managed to claw my way out from the onslaught of 11 trick-or-treaters.  

I was going to give this post a sweet title about my chair, Rosie.  But Rosie turned out to be a bit of a poophead.  Actually, it wasn't her fault but I was left with the same poopheadedness feeling.

Let's begin.

When Phil's mom passed away, we ended up with a few million of her things.  One was a dining table and chairs set.  I didn't know what to do with it, so I decided to take it to Goodwill.  My sister bitch-slapped me and said to give it to her instead.  Okeydokey.  So it went to be a foster child (children?) at her house.  She needed the extra chairs for family holiday gatherings and I needed stuff to not be in my basement.

Years later, she decided she didn't want it in her basement anymore, so it went to live in servitude with Emma in her first apartment.

Then Emma moved into an efficiency and guess what?  Dining Set came full circle.  Who says you can't go home again?

Naturally, I don't have pictures of the whole set because I'm only playing with one chair this entire month today.  Maybe someday I'll make them all over (shoot me), but for now, I just want one cute little chair to sit in front of my Gramma's sewing machine.

Here's how she started out:

I had every intention of being a total lazy-ass frugal with my time and throwing the new fabric over the old, but the staples basically threw themselves at me so I went ahead and yanked them all out.  

And the next layer.

Then I primed and painted.  The black (not shown yet) flowed beautifully.  The ASCP in Old Ochre wasn't as friendly.  I don't know whose fault it was...the paint or the clear (General Finishes water-based Enduro-Var), but this is what happened:

Swear, swear, f-bomb, swear.

I wanted to be fancy and do a black glaze in Rosie's crevasses and I thought a poly would be easier to work with than wax.  The poly was obviously a bust and the wax didn't work with the glaze either.

In fact, the glaze was such a bad idea I didn't even take any pictures of that debacle.

Swear, swear, f-bomb, swear.

So I primed that area (again) and painted (again) and waxed.

Then I distressed her a bit to bring out the details and waxed some more.  And I sit back and think....Hey missed a spot.  Except I didn't.  I sanded the paint off on purpose.  

I still can't get accustomed to distressing.  Maybe I just don't like how my distressing turns out.

Oh, Lawd, this is turning into a long, ridiculous post for one silly little chair.

In the end (or under the end), this is how Rosie turned out.

What do you think?

And here she is in her final resting place.

That sounds morbid.

I love that old typewriter.  I almost got rid of that years ago, too.  But it belonged to Phil's dad, so I'm glad I kept it.

Because doesn't everyone put an old typewriter on top of her Gramma's old sewing machine?

I wonder if I can use it to type my blog....



  1. Haha...I can hear Jack now!
    Why so harsh on poor Rose? She's darling sitting there with her cool friends.
    Distressing will become more comfortable to you the more you do it. Just remember to distress in areas where there would be authentic wear and tear from use. For good measure, tell Eddie to go ahead and have at it. I hired Bruce as my distresser.
    I'm soooo glad you didn't get rid of the typewriter. Awesome!

  2. I love the fabric, the smoothness of the black paint, and the contrast of the back. I hereby anoint you the Queen of chair makeovers. Now go forth and distress my child.

    (If you had gotten rid of the typewriter never mind your sister, I would have had to bitch slap you. Yo bitch!)

  3. Well Rosie is a beauty and the French saying states that "it sometimes hurts to be beautiful"! Well, you had a hard time and she is beautiful!

  4. I think she's beautiful.I love the typewriter, too. If you get tired of it, you can send it to me. I thought I might finally paint the fabric on my dining room chairs this weekend, but it's too cold and windy. I always have an excuse. Can you believe it's only 56 degrees? We'll probably freeze to death.


  5. Well it turned out ok but I get how frustrating it was at times and how you felt like throwing it through a window but of course that would have been expensive and wouldn't help

    1. My windows thank me! (My husband would have killed me and replaced the window with the life insurance money....) :P

  6. That was a lot of work....and swearing....but WOW! It's gorgeous and so perfect with the sewing machine! the whole corner is just perfect. Can't get any better than that. Dona

  7. Painting furniture freaks me out... distressing it seems like it'd be the easiest part, but maybe I am wrong... I've never tried it. In any case, WOW this chair is beautiful and I LOVE that old sewing table. I would love to have a sewing table like that in my house... I would probably even use it for sewing! LOL!

  8. Rosie is one classy lady all dressed up.

    Linda C in Seattle

  9. I think she is sassy and classy all rolled into one!

  10. I love that chair in the first picture. And, I love the green tapestry underneath. You did do a good job with the makeover. All those chairs can come live with me, table, too.

    1. Well, allllrighty then! I'll have to get busy! :P


  11. The Rosie I know is quite angry and bitter but this beautiful girl is fine and lean and proud.
    Don't beat yourself up too much my dear, Rosie is Saaaweeeet.

  12. What a gorgeous chair! Are you going to do all of them like that now? I have never distressed anything, but I think you did a great job. And least your swear jar is filling up!

  13. I was gonna steal that chair when I saw it all pretty, but I was afraid I would get bitch slapped.....

  14. *raising hand* "Yes, Dana?"......

    "It's VERY pretty, but I thought you always used chalk paint?" *slap*

    "OW! Dammit. I'm goin' home."

  15. Rosie looks fun and fabulous at the same time, and she goes great with that sewing machine cabinet. Love it!

  16. Aww, don't be so hard on yourself, Rosie is gorgeous! I would be scared to death of distressing anything because I would hate how I do it, also. Love the fabric you chose, also.

  17. Wow I love Rosie she looks fabulous! I love the fabric and the color blocking, it looks great! Thank you for visiting my blog, email me your address I want to send you some crap....oops I mean some crafts!

  18. Well done! It turned out to be a beauty under all that drabness. Of course, if you were going to do the whole suite, it would be a lifetime project at the rate you are going. Start cheating girl!

  19. What do I think?
    I think you're amazing when it comes to furniture - every piece you've done you've knocked out of the ball park - Rosie included !!!

  20. I miss the clickety-clack of old typewriters. I'm so glad you kept it. Chair looks awesome!

  21. Aww she looks beautiful all divas are temperamental. Type you blog and post it, I love snail mail.

  22. It is awesome!! Sorry for all your trouble with it, but it is very awesome! Loving it!

  23. You are so talented, I love your ideas and your designs. Great blog, so glad I found you!


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