you're so stupid, rose!! {a painful chair makeover}

I hope you all survived Halloween.  I managed to claw my way out from the onslaught of 11 trick-or-treaters.  

I was going to give this post a sweet title about my chair, Rosie.  But Rosie turned out to be a bit of a poophead.  Actually, it wasn't her fault but I was left with the same poopheadedness feeling.

Let's begin.

When Phil's mom passed away, we ended up with a few million of her things.  One was a dining table and chairs set.  I didn't know what to do with it, so I decided to take it to Goodwill.  My sister bitch-slapped me and said to give it to her instead.  Okeydokey.  So it went to be a foster child (children?) at her house.  She needed the extra chairs for family holiday gatherings and I needed stuff to not be in my basement.

Years later, she decided she didn't want it in her basement anymore, so it went to live in servitude with Emma in her first apartment.

Then Emma moved into an efficiency and guess what?  Dining Set came full circle.  Who says you can't go home again?

Naturally, I don't have pictures of the whole set because I'm only playing with one chair this entire month today.  Maybe someday I'll make them all over (shoot me), but for now, I just want one cute little chair to sit in front of my Gramma's sewing machine.

Here's how she started out:

I had every intention of being a total lazy-ass frugal with my time and throwing the new fabric over the old, but the staples basically threw themselves at me so I went ahead and yanked them all out.  

And the next layer.

Then I primed and painted.  The black (not shown yet) flowed beautifully.  The ASCP in Old Ochre wasn't as friendly.  I don't know whose fault it was...the paint or the clear (General Finishes water-based Enduro-Var), but this is what happened:

Swear, swear, f-bomb, swear.

I wanted to be fancy and do a black glaze in Rosie's crevasses and I thought a poly would be easier to work with than wax.  The poly was obviously a bust and the wax didn't work with the glaze either.

In fact, the glaze was such a bad idea I didn't even take any pictures of that debacle.

Swear, swear, f-bomb, swear.

So I primed that area (again) and painted (again) and waxed.

Then I distressed her a bit to bring out the details and waxed some more.  And I sit back and think....Hey Jackass....you missed a spot.  Except I didn't.  I sanded the paint off on purpose.  

I still can't get accustomed to distressing.  Maybe I just don't like how my distressing turns out.

Oh, Lawd, this is turning into a long, ridiculous post for one silly little chair.

In the end (or under the end), this is how Rosie turned out.

What do you think?

And here she is in her final resting place.

That sounds morbid.

I love that old typewriter.  I almost got rid of that years ago, too.  But it belonged to Phil's dad, so I'm glad I kept it.

Because doesn't everyone put an old typewriter on top of her Gramma's old sewing machine?

I wonder if I can use it to type my blog....