Does this post title make you experience a bit of déjà vu? No worries. It doesn't last long, and it doesn't leave a rash or anything.
You may be experiencing déjà vu due to the fact I shared a post called me, myself, and chair a couple years back. If you recall, I regaled you with the conversation I had with my wingback chair, which then led to a spot of trouble in which we became embroiled.
I'm here to tell you I've been communing with the furniture again.
Buffet and I have cohabitated for a very long time. In fact, we've been together longer than I've lived with any single human being. Twenty-seven years to be exact-ish. He came to me from my Grandma, who is no longer with us. Buffet lives on. But he's been looking increasingly shabby.
Buffet has been whispering inappropriate notions in my ear for quite some time. I'm normally able to ignore the voices in my head, but Buffet has been persistent.
Buffet started whispering...red...
At first, I thought he was going all Stephen King on me and was trying to say redrum. Yeah, like that didn't freak me out at all.
Me: Have you lost your mind? Red?
Buffet: Are you kidding me? You're the one who let me watch Deadpool fourteen times. I'm totally channeling Deadpool. He's my very funny valentine!
Buffet: I might have six legs, but at least MINE don't have Spider-Veins.
Spider-Vein, Spider-Vein, does whatever a Spider-Vein does.
Me: You suck. Red, you say? Sure, why not? That seems reasonable enough. And I am seriously tired of your oak-iness.
Buffet: Listen. I'm sedentary. I'm getting old and saggy, and it's not like I have a choice in the matter. The least you can do is get off your assets and do something about it. I want to be noticed again! I want to be a focal point! Me me me me me! All the other furniture point and laugh at me. You painted an upholstered CHAIR, for cryin' in your beer cheese soup. And you've left me here to rot.
Me: Okay, Frankenbuffet. You got it.
I have to interrupt our program for a moment to give credit where credit it due. I've been swooning over Lisa's creations for years. She is truly inspirational, and she gave me the courage to bend to Buffet's will and bring him into the current century. You should go check out her site and bask in the glory of all things Lisa! Thank you, my friend!
Buffet's top was in terrible shape and I was able to sand him down by hand.
Don't think he didn't complain about having a serious case of diaper rash by the time I was finished.
I continued to dismember and sand Buffet. I threatened to take his legs off if he mentioned my spider veins again.
Suddenly, a moment of peace.
After an initial sanding, I cleaned all of Buffet's nether regions with a 50/50 mix of water and denatured alcohol.
Then I sanded him again out of spite.
Once he was prepped and ready, I stained his top with Java Gel by General Finishes.
Buffet's innards got primed and coated in a 50/50 mix of ASCP Old White and Pure White. Buffet's sexy bod is getting two coats of General Finishes Milk Paint in Brick Red.
I love this paint. It went on very smoothly and covered with two coats. It even smelled good.
Which is weird, I know.
Everything was coated with General Finishes High Performance Top Coat in flat. The top got five coats; everything else got a single coat.
Buffet is dancing around like an obnoxious kid ready for Kindergarten and I'm ready to slap him into next week.
So let's get to the after pics.
Life . . . life . . . give my creation . . . LIFE!
Buffet: Hey. I don't know that this is my exact color. WTH?
Me: Do you have any idea how difficult it is to photograph red? You picked this color, you dork. Is this closer?
Buffet: NO. I am not that orange. I am not an Oompa Loompa.
Me: Live with it. I'm not a professional.
Buffet: Ain't that the truth.
Me: Shut up and stand still so I can take more pictures.
Buffet: You're showing my boob now?
Me: You're a dude. We don't call it that. But you do have a nice knob.
Me: In fact, you have two nice knobs. Lovely clock knobs from Hobby Lobby. They don't have hands, though, so you can't tell what time it is.
Buffet: Does anybody really know what time it is?
Does anybody really care?
Me: You are intolerable.
Random picture of Eddie.
Me: This is getting ridiculous.
Buffet: No way. Chicks dig me. At least show them all the fancy I've got going on in my drawers.
Buffet: And my special compartments...
Buffet: And my sexy (sans spider-vein) leg.
Buffet: Do those flowers make my saddlebags look fat?
Me: We must end this.
Buffet: Fine. Give them another before and after.
Me: You are so narcissistic.
Buffet: I learned from the best.
Buffet: Why does this last picture of me look like I belong in a dollhouse?
Me: I have no idea. But if you don't shut up I'm kicking you to the curb.
Buffet: Our neighborhood doesn't have curbs.
Buffet: I'm always up for some antics.
Me: Shoot me.
Bouquet of Talent
Nifty Thrifty Sunday
Dishing It and Digging It