Saturday, July 23, 2016

me, myself, and buffet

Hello, and happy Saturday!

Does this post title make you experience a bit of déjà vu? No worries. It doesn't last long, and it doesn't leave a rash or anything. 

You may be experiencing déjà vu due to the fact I shared a post called me, myself, and chair a couple years back. If you recall, I regaled you with the conversation I had with my wingback chair, which then led to a spot of trouble in which we became embroiled.

I'm here to tell you I've been communing with the furniture again.

Buffet and I have cohabitated for a very long time. In fact, we've been together longer than I've lived with any single human being. Twenty-seven years to be exact-ish. He came to me from my Grandma, who is no longer with us. Buffet lives on. But he's been looking increasingly shabby.

Buffet has been whispering inappropriate notions in my ear for quite some time. I'm normally able to ignore the voices in my head, but Buffet has been persistent.

Buffet started

At first, I thought he was going all Stephen King on me and was trying to say redrum. Yeah, like that didn't freak me out at all.


Me: Have you lost your mind? Red?

Buffet: Are you kidding me? You're the one who let me watch Deadpool fourteen times. I'm totally channeling Deadpool. He's my very funny valentine!

Me: You've got six legs. Aren't you closer to emulating Spider-Man?

Buffet: I might have six legs, but at least MINE don't have Spider-Veins.
Spider-Vein, Spider-Vein, does whatever a Spider-Vein does.

Me: You suck. Red, you say? Sure, why not? That seems reasonable enough. And I am seriously tired of your oak-iness.

Buffet: Listen. I'm sedentary. I'm getting old and saggy, and it's not like I have a choice in the matter. The least you can do is get off your assets and do something about it. I want to be noticed again! I want to be a focal point! Me me me me me! All the other furniture point and laugh at me. You painted an upholstered CHAIR, for cryin' in your beer cheese soup. And you've left me here to rot.

Me: Okay, Frankenbuffet. You got it.

I have to interrupt our program for a moment to give credit where credit it due. I've been swooning over Lisa's creations for years. She is truly inspirational, and she gave me the courage to bend to Buffet's will and bring him into the current century. You should go check out her site and bask in the glory of all things Lisa! Thank you, my friend!

Buffet's top was in terrible shape and I was able to sand him down by hand.

Don't think he didn't complain about having a serious case of diaper rash by the time I was finished. 

I continued to dismember and sand Buffet. I threatened to take his legs off if he mentioned my spider veins again.

Suddenly, a moment of peace.

After an initial sanding, I cleaned all of Buffet's nether regions with a 50/50 mix of water and denatured alcohol. 

He giggled.

Then I sanded him again out of spite.

Once he was prepped and ready, I stained his top with Java Gel by General Finishes.

Buffet's innards got primed and coated in a 50/50 mix of ASCP Old White and Pure White. Buffet's sexy bod is getting two coats of General Finishes Milk Paint in Brick Red.

I love this paint. It went on very smoothly and covered with two coats. It even smelled good.

Which is weird, I know.

Everything was coated with General Finishes High Performance Top Coat in flat. The top got five coats; everything else got a single coat.

Buffet is dancing around like an obnoxious kid ready for Kindergarten and I'm ready to slap him into next week.

So let's get to the after pics.

Life . . . life . . . give my creation . . . LIFE!

Buffet: Hey. I don't know that this is my exact color. WTH?

Me: Do you have any idea how difficult it is to photograph red? You picked this color, you dork. Is this closer?

Buffet: NO. I am not that orange. I am not an Oompa Loompa.

Me: Live with it. I'm not a professional.

Buffet: Ain't that the truth.

Me: Shut up and stand still so I can take more pictures.

Buffet: You're showing my boob now?

Me: You're a dude. We don't call it that. But you do have a nice knob.

Me: In fact, you have two nice knobs. Lovely clock knobs from Hobby Lobby. They don't have hands, though, so you can't tell what time it is.

Buffet: Does anybody really know what time it is?
Does anybody really care?

Buffet: Those flowers make me look amazing. Show more.

Buffet: Well done. Now give me some close-ups, please.

Me: You are intolerable.

Random picture of Eddie.

Me: This is getting ridiculous.

Buffet: No way. Chicks dig me. At least show them all the fancy I've got going on in my drawers.

Buffet: And my special compartments...

Buffet: And my sexy (sans spider-vein) leg.

Buffet: Do those flowers make my saddlebags look fat?

Me: We must end this.

Buffet: Fine. Give them another before and after.

Me: You are so narcissistic.

Buffet: I learned from the best.

Buffet: Why does this last picture of me look like I belong in a dollhouse?

Me: I have no idea. But if you don't shut up I'm kicking you to the curb.

Buffet: Our neighborhood doesn't have curbs.

Me: Semantics.

Buffet: I'm always up for some antics.

Me: Shoot me.

Sharing with:
Saturday Sparks
Snickerdoodle Sunday

Bouquet of Talent
Nifty Thrifty Sunday
Inspiration Monday
Dishing It and Digging It


  1. The buffet is absolutely gorgeous! Pinning

  2. I love it, great job buffet talking. Pinned - the drawers are totally awesome.

  3. GORGEOUS!! That's all I can say! 😍😍😍

    1. Thank you! Have I told you lately how happy I am you're here??

  4. Oh Andi and Buffet... you do work so well together! :) Buffet, you look spectacular! :) Great job Andi and thanks for keeping me laughing. I know that was a LOT of work!! Rock on!! ~ Christina in FL

  5. The second you said okay to red...well, you know how I love red pieces. Wow! That was worth the 27 year wait, for sure. Having the clock faces for knobs--absolutely delicious! Take a bow!!! :)

  6. You and Buffet are hysterical and look amazing!

  7. Do you really work on these pieces in your house next to a white sofa cause I'm only an hour from you and we have a huge empty garage and lots of things that need to be refinished and you could write about them too :)

    1. Haha! YES! I worked on the whole thing right where it sat, and I didn't even screw up the couch!!

  8. That is a beautiful buffet. Must say I also like the "before," as it just looks well made with all those legs and everything.

  9. Andi, This buffet turned out so gorgeous! I love the red color!! I have been oogling a beautiful red secretary that I keep telling Mr. Hobby I must have . . . he is not listening. Back to your lovely buffet, we have one in our family from my grandmother that I swear must be a sibling to yours! I'm going to have to show this to my sister who is the keeper of the buffet. Pinning and dreaming of my own red statement piece! Thanks for sharing.

  10. I love red! Ship Buffet to me. I can tell we are soulmates, like Lady Gaga and that guy she was going to marry and now they're taking "a break" from each other, but they're still soulmates. You are the only person who can write about refinishing furniture and make me laugh till I want to roll on the floor and get even more dog hair and lint on my clothes. I remember when you painted the chair. You inspired me to paint the seats of my dining room chairs. I continue to love putting my butt on those chairs, and not one person has ever asked, What in the hell happened to these chairs? Of course, I don't have any guests other than Willy Dunne Wooters and my son, but they know that if they want ice cream, then they'd better be nice to my cool chairs.


  11. Well now that is just fantastic...even more handsome than Jimmy or Warren!!!!

  12. You seriously have one of the most delightful (and humorous!) blog 'voices' out there! :) Fun! I sort of cringed when you said you were painting it red... but, it turned out fantastic! I love the deeper wood stain on top and the touch of it on the front. And, yes, yes... you can't forget about the insides of the drawers! This turned out great!


  13. Beautiful....and your little dog, too!

  14. Oh my, how gorgeous! Make me want to find a similar piece. Love the Tuscan touches and the color awesome. i would invite you to share this beauty at our link party today, Dishing it & Digging It at 4:00 EST.

  15. I totally get you about furniture talking to you. It happens to me too. The buffet is beautiful, but red is my favorite color. Good job.

  16. Well, you lured me in on that one! I was thinking Buffett. As in Jimmy. sigh.... As much as I LOVE DIY I am just a tiny bit disappointed.
    But I do love the buffet and its new color! And his attitude.
    :) gwingal

  17. That's one sassy buffet! Is it still throwing shade at you from over there? Does Eddie hear these convos? I'm wondering.
    Please let us know when Grandma chimes in. ;)
    Great job and thanks for the giggles. I can't wait to see what piece of furniture you rumble with next! xo, T.

  18. Buffet looks amazing. Red really flatters him.

  19. Ohhhhkay; my head is spinning. Never followed a blog before, don't know how to respond as anything other than an unknown. But somewhere along in here I was spat out (in a friendly way) by HomeTalk, and then I had to go back to the beginning. Your beginning. I saw the sun set; I saw the sun rise. I saw the sun set again. Then if balky took a break to eat some b-lun-ner. Yes I have the bladder of an elephant. No; it's cuter. But I think I'm caught up now! And hope to be seeing you in my inbox. Yay.

    1. oops. "if balky took a break" = I finally took...

    2. I'm so glad you're here! I LOVE new stalkers!! You deserve a special prize for staying up that bladder def would not have made it. :D Your staying power is amazing...some of my early posts were ROUGH!


    3. My ankles and back hope the prize is a chiropractor visit!

  20. Buffett, you look flirting with other girls now!! What an awesome job, I love red!! :)

    1. Thanks Susanne!! He's standing pretty tall and staring down his nose at all the other furniture now. =D


  21. Andi Love your sense of humor and love that your furniture talks back to you.. Your buffet is exactly style and generation that I've pined for a long time. If I could find one in our area couldn't afford it, people here seem to think everything has gold running thru it. (Western CO, we live 18 miles west of Grand Junction out in rural area.)
    So love your buffet, you did awesome job on him, that color is incredible. Can see how depending on the light that color changes hues, is that due to being milk paint? Have never used Universal paint brand, good to know is good paint. Do you have to mix that yourself with water or is it liquid when you buy it? There are so many brands of paint now it's hard to know what is worth the price.
    Enjoy your gorgeous buffet, am envious. Have great rest of weekend

    1. First off, thank you! The General Finishes Milk Paint is NOT a true milk paint...just a water-based latex (but it's an amazing paint!), so no, it doesn't come as a dry mix. General Finishes has a nice website where they describe all the different finishes they make. It's so difficult to photograph this color though! Yes, it does change color a bit in different light, but it really is a true brick red and it looks amazing in person. I have never tried Universal, but I'm always on the lookout for something new to try. Thanks so much for stopping in!


  22. I have Joe's dead grandma's buffet which is beautiful but old-fashioned. I'd like it red. Joe would divorce me. What to do, what to do....

  23. I love that color! Thank you for sharing with us at Dishing It & Digging It. Hope to see you back this week :)

  24. I have a buffet that is old and in need but I don't think I'm up to another project. I am truly inspired and have just decided what I am going to do with the fireplace in the living room...I hate the thought of painting the brick but it's dirty and I can't get it clean. I'm going to paint it now and if I don't end up loving it, I can buy some brick-look paneling to cover over, some day, down the road. Thx 4 the inspire ~Kate

    1. Oh, def paint the brick!! I've seen SO many beautifully painted fireplaces that looked so old and tired before!

  25. You know how I feel about a good buffet! LOVE IT! Knobs are fabulous! Now when can you come do mine?


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