Friday, May 6, 2016

andi's pantry project {part 3 - DIY concrete countertops}

Welcome friends! And a special welcome to all my new stalkers who found me through my recent post on Hometalk!

I know I left my Panties hanging, but they're back. And bigger and better than ever.

If you missed Part One, check it out HERE.
If you missed Part Two, check it out HERE.

Disclaimer: NOT a tutorial. At all. We had no idea what we were doing and still don't. Like, ever.


I was truly excited about this segment.

Am I the only one who thinks about worms when they hear the word segment? Or better yet, Tootsie Rolls. Wait. Dog poop! My friend Bliss has the best dog poop sign ever. I want to be Bliss when I grow up. But I find growing up elusive. I also seem to be unable to stay on task. Squirrel.

Here's where we left off. Doesn't it look awesome? It gets ugly in a minute.




The smart thing would have been to order the Viatera Everest quartz we have in the kitchen. But here at Eddie's house, we like to follow the path of greatest resistance, and pretend to have inherent knowledge about things of which we know absolutely nothing.

I've seen so many DIY concrete countertops, and not only are the tops cool, but they make those people seem really cool as well. 

Coolness wins out every time.

Since Philly's the salesman in the family, he got in touch with Z Counterforms and asked for free stuff.

They said no.

It's the first time I've ever asked someone to sponsor a project, and they turned me down flat. They "had another blogger they were already sponsoring." That blogger can't possibly be as cool as me. I talk about worms and poop on my blog. And panties.

As for Philly's sales prowess? Nailed it!

We forked over our $300 and got bags of white concrete:



Forms (simple and square because I wanted them to be like me):




Mesh, and, finally...tiny Star Wars TIE Interceptors:



We could have purchased the corner jigs along with our other concrete paraphernalia, but since we weren't on the free-shit plan, Phil made his own.



He screwed on concrete backer board (from underneath the cabinets--that way if we ever need to remove the top, the screw heads aren't entombed in concrete), cut and attached the forms, sacrificed a roll of duct tape, added the mesh, and stabilized the mesh with the Star Wars TIE Interceptors.



Then we suffocated the crap out of the cabinets with visqueen. Visqueen is such an odd-looking word.

Lots of people mix their concrete in a bucket with a paddle attached to their drill. We've heard this is very labor-intensive. Since we happen to know someone with a portable concrete mixer, we simply waited until dark, loaded it up, and stole away under cover of night. 

Mixing away in our top-secret laboratory...



Next, we pour...



Wait.

Next, we pour...








I don't know if it was this concrete in particular, or if all concrete smells like raw sewage as it cures. Has anyone else had that experience? I mean, other than in a sewer?

He trowelled and screeded. According to spell-check, neither of those are actual words.

After a couple days, we snapped off the forms. Look. A sewer snake on the floor.



Here's where the fun and coolness of our fabulous project became Season 4 of American Horror Story. It was so bad we completely gave up on it.

No one really talks about finishing the concrete. Most of the DIY posts I've read make it sound like they poured the concrete, and it was magically glossy, smooth, and finished. Of course, you can keep it au naturale, but Phil really wanted to be able to lick it without sanding his tongue off. 

You can use a regular palm sander, but you will go through 136,429,583 sanding discs, not to mention your entire home will be covered in fine concrete dust.

We may or may not have experience with that.




After a couple weeks of wound festering, we finally broke down and bought a wet polisher. But this is where I must leave you, because the polisher is still in the box.



Along with Gwyneth Paltrow's head.

If you're new to Andi's Panties, you may not know I have a little guessing game going. So far, ONE person has guessed correctly what the theme of the pantry is going to be.

I still think my favorite guess is a bordello. In fact, I'm quite shocked it's never occurred to me to quit my day job and become a Madam. I could hang with Eddie all day.



Thanks for visiting, and stay tuned...

It's complete! Check out the finale HERE!



24 comments:

  1. Philly-wan is the only hope!!!!!

    My new guess is Alice in wonderland! You'd make a fabulous queen of hearts!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh my, such a project. I would not have an idea of a guess.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just hope there's no disappointment at the reveal...

      Delete
  3. I think your theme is going to be Johnny Depp, when he was younger.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Honestly? I want the never-empty bottle of wine. You drink it to celebrate all your projects and it NEVAH goes dry. I want. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. So now I'll be known as the famous dog poop sign lady. I can't thank you enough for that. As far as your counters, we've never had the Star Wars parts, we must be deprived, and our counters are as slick as Harrison Fords hiney, although we have never wanted to lick either.

    ReplyDelete
  6. OH can't wait to see the after! I keep saying I'm going to try to make concrete countertops but still haven't gotten around to it. BTW they are smoother if you finish them not in place and flip them over so that the side that was poured first is now on top... But your pantry is looking awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  7. OMG! You are my new best friend. I promise to be a very committed stalker from now on. I might not go as far as sending you magazine cut out letters, but I'm all in otherwise.

    I found you on Hometalk, and I almost peed my pants reading your post. You seriously need to be my new best friend.

    Thank you for putting your humor out there to brighten my day! (Oh, and the DIY ideas aren't bad either.)

    ~ Moi
    https://nuggetsofnourishment.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm putting bars on my windows now. Hehehe...

      I'm glad you found me! I can always use a few more mentally unstable people in my life! =D

      Delete
  8. Way to leave us all hanging, girl!! Gwyneth Paltrow's head?? Digression? Or did I miss something? And if you tell me WHO guessed right, I'll go back and read all the comments and find out the answer. Dona

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Have you ever seen the movie Seven? It's from that...I wondered if anyone would get it. Sometimes people can't keep up with my sick humor. =D

      Delete
    2. I totally DID see that movie!!! But couldn't have told you who the actress was. Bet I'll never forget now, though. So, thanks? ;)

      Delete
  9. bordello what wack job guessed that lmao xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes, and it certainly keeps sticking in my mind!!!

      Delete
  10. Is visqueen queen of the Visigoths? I am cringing over here thinking about your dust. Hopefully Phil gets his shit figured out. Love you Phil, you know I really blame Andi for all this, and soon you can enjoy your nascar themed panties...pantry.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Is visqueen queen of the Visigoths? I am cringing over here thinking about your dust. Hopefully Phil gets his shit figured out. Love you Phil, you know I really blame Andi for all this, and soon you can enjoy your nascar themed panties...pantry.

    ReplyDelete
  12. A wet polisher seems like it might solve the dust dilemma. I watch those house remodeling and DIY shows (no idea why as I rent and have no desire to take on a single one of the projects you guys tackle) and I haven't seen them showing how to smooth the concrete surfaces, either. You guys are amazing! I have my fingers crossed that you will end up with a tongue saving surface. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Magoo almost had me convinced that we could do the concrete counters outside but now I'm thinking hell no. It will be me who does all the work, because unless there is some high tech security issue needing to be solved, he's not gonna do it.
    That crap will ruin my manicure, Andi Grandi Bo Bandi. Please finish soon, I'm out of guesses but I do like the Alice guess. I'm a big Alice fan.
    Happy Mama's Day to you! xoxo, T.

    ReplyDelete
  14. All that dust just so Philly can lick the countertop... Boy, you must love him!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I love your panties. It's sweet that Philly's Done Hooters wants to lick them. Oh. The pantry. Yeah. Nevermind. I want to go with you on your adventures when you steal stuff from your friends. Then we'll build up to breaking into Lowe's. The theme of your pantry is a garage. That's why you have concrete. Soon you'll have spare parts, and you'll steal my son to work for you.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  16. It's a NASCAR pit stop. Oh, no, that's your next project; the bathroom. Is there a 50s style diner at Talladega?

    ReplyDelete
  17. O.K........Good Husband, Poor Jim (people call him 'Poor Jim'. I don't know why.) wants to know why you didn't paint the back wall....any of the walls before you put in the cabinets? He has also informed me that if hell gets chilly and he becomes a king of some kind and grants my pantry wish, that I can plan on Formica counter tops. Hey, I'm not an unreasonable gal!

    ReplyDelete

SAY SOMETHING! You know you want to.