This one was Philly's all-time favorite. I clearly believed I was dying, so I raised my head ever-so-slightly and uttered, "But Master Yoda, you can't die..."
Obviously, I'm a Jedi Master.
You can't make that shit up.
Did you see my beautiful flag? And look at that amazing landscaping surrounding it. The way the parched, dried earth surrounds and embraces the dandelions? I'm awesome at gardening.
I just wanted to see how long it would take for the neighbors to complain. Not that long.
Clearly the fact we painted our door red wasn't enough to guarantee the house had curb appeal. Philly hosed it off and I added an Aldi wreath, because crafting is not my forte. I do, however, excel at quoting Star Wars. It's a brilliant addition to any resume.
And as for gardening? I endeavor to persevere.
We bought some boxwoods, a dwarf pine-tree thing, some petunias, and other random plants, and stuck them in the ground!
Did you see my buddy Roscoe in there? He has a severe case of the rusties.
He likes to dress up for Christmas. I think he looks like a Roscoe, but I'm pretty sure I got that name from growing up a Dukes of Hazzard fan.
And here's his little buddy, Anus! (Another owl...)
Sorry. Residual colonoscopy thoughts rearing their ugly heads.
This landscaping is Eddie-approved. Oh! And Philly put together a couple rocking chairs! Now we can grow old together, even if we refuse to grow up.
Quite honestly, Eddie is simply bored with the whole thing and would rather just show you his pee-pee.
Eddie has the most obnoxious case of gas as I type this post. It is vile and toxic. Seriously gagging here.
I almost forgot about the ticks! I was at work last Friday (nearly the only, lonely soul on the entire floor), and I felt a bump on my head. I grew up in the woods, folks, and you KNOW when you have a tick. Thankfully, our secretary was on tick-duty that day and she was able to extract yon tick and promptly sprayed him with Lysol. Her supply of tick killer had recently been confiscated by this fella:
My little guy looked more like this:
I don't know if the Lysol killed the tick, but at least he has a fresh, lemony scent now.
Ticks dig that.
Naturally, I wined to Phil about the tick.
Phil said it's a hazard of living in a wooded area.
Me: The Ticks of Hazzard.
Phil: Bo and Luke Tick.
I believe this blog post finally has a weird, yet cohesive theme.
Since this is a very serious blog, I must get back to the point. And I have absolutely no idea what that is. Instead, I'll just show you an updated picture of my flag and fledgling landscape.
Look only at the pretty part around the flag. You will stop looking at the crappy-looking left side of the house.
I'm using an old Jedi Mind Tick.