Thursday, May 23, 2013

i suck at gardening

I am the biggest loser gardener ever.  Need proof?  Here's my "garden":





Basically, it's just a hot mess.  Actually, after all the rain we've had, it's just a wet mess.

My mom is an awesome gardener.  She doesn't do it anymore, but growing up we had HUGE gardens.  The endless supply of yummy strawberries, fresh sweet corn, tomatoes, cucumbers, peas...you name it.  Of course, when you have 6 maniacal children to feed, and it was the 70s ... that's what you did.  I don't think I ever stepped foot in a fast-food restaurant until I was in high school and could walk to one for lunch. (Yay Mom!!)

Of course, at the time, that was grossly unfair and we were all being abused.

I frigging hate pulling weeds.  (I realize no one actually loves doing that.)  Maybe that's why I've utterly failed at gardening.  It's all about the weeds.  Memories of sweating, grumbling, pissing, and moaning ... and worst of all ... finding snakes.

And swearing I'll NEVER go back outside as long as I live.

I'm actually a tremendous gardener.  In the privacy of my own mind.  I read BHG, save copies of all their free gardening projects...

Anyway, I was dropping my pooch off at the groomer and I drove by a house where they were having a plant sale.  Naturally I stopped, since I'm a plant/garden guru and thought perhaps I could give her some pointers.

It was like I walked into the Garden of Eden.  This is the backyard of gardens I always knew I could do, if only I had the vision, the desire, and the stick-tuit-iveness. 

I was slackjawed with drool dripping out of the corners of my mouth as I rushed back to the car to get my phone and snap some shots.  This gal is the gardener I want to be when I grow up.

<sigh>  

Feast your eyes on NOT my backyard oasis: 











 
Everything is SO PERFECT!

Okay folks.  My excuse(s) for the past 14 years:
  • The house I live in is temporary
  • The backyard is too tiny
  • Whine, Whine, Whine
  • Wine, Wine, Wine
  • I'm too lazy
But now I'm going to have a fabulous one-acre lot to play with.  I can't wait to add some of these elements to my new yard.

Any master-gardener-geniuses out there to give me some little-known nuggets of wisdom?

I do know I have to start slowly...One bed at a time...

OH!  And since I never would have found this inspiration had it not been for Eddie's haircut, here you go!  He's so stinkin cute!!



 

23 comments:

  1. I wish we could grow rhubarb here! Start mixing it in all your fruit stuff you make (jam, pie, cake, etc.) and what you don't use freezes well.

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  2. That's exactly what my yard looks like! Well, maybe it's just like the one I have pinned and plan to create.

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  3. Yeah, I am sure she has several people helping her keep that yard in tip top shape! It is beautiful, though!! :)

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  4. I'm game. What do you want to know? The best way to ignore the yard? 'Cause I'm really good at that.

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  5. Hey Andi, Wow what a fabulous garden!!! I was feeling pretty good about myself for growing everything from seeds.....guess I need to dream a little bigger!! Love following your funny posts!!

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  6. Eddie is too cute with the new hairdo! The garden is so inspirational. Every year, I promise myself I will be a better gardener and then renovation inside the house takes all my time!

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  7. Wow, it's so serene and beautiful! I'd love to have that much outdoor space!!

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  8. Oh, I'm feeling very 'sour grape'-ish right now. That yard is too perfect. Must cost a fortune to keep it watered, fed, etc. How many people does she have to employ to keep it like that? Who is she? Martha Stewart? and yadda, yadda.....(sigh). In my dreams I have a yard like that. (sigh). I'm gonna take a nap. Dona

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  9. Eddie, don't tell your people but my garden looks jut like hers. Although I do have the same bench as the inspiration garden.

    Bliss

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  10. i suck at gardening too dont you worry girl! ALSO, for some amaazingggg gardening and landscaping inspiration you should TOTALLY make a day road trip to Hornbaker Garden near princeton...YOU WILL DIE it is GORGEOUS!! Like 80 times more beautiful than these amazing photos you posted! ponds, streams, bridges, flowers everywhereeee. go!

    also i will ask hubby the grass seed we got, we saw it in another yard and its pretty sweet for grass!

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  11. You just need to hire some hot muscle men to garden for you, while you sit back and sip a glass of wine...and take photos of course :)

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  12. Wow...that was a fabulous garden! I'm with you...I suck at gardening. I know how to mass grow pumpkins and corn and I didn't even do that this year!! Oh...and Eddie is adorable.

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  13. The title alone made me laugh! At our last house (the one we built) our sweet neighbor came over and tilled us up a nice big patch - that I literally never did anything with. Oops!

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  14. Wow, what a garden! Did you ask her how she kept the grass out of the garden? It doesn't look like there is any kind of barrier between, just a perfect line of perfectly edged grass next to a perfect garden with perfect rows of veggies. And I am perfectly jealous. ;)

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  15. My landscaping at my former house ended up looking nice, but it did take some work. We amended the soil and planted about 15 shrubs and flowers the first year. Second year I just added some annuals and planted a perennial or two. Year three- we planted 23 or so shrubs, knockout roses and trees.

    It looked good and aside from a few deaths, most plants flourished!

    Our new house? I'm too damned tired! The former owner had chickens! We have raised beds and amazing soil!

    And I've bought pansies and petunias!

    And.. Had two glasses of wine while staring at the beds...

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  16. I can't garden. I scattered some grass seed in my front yard last spring and when it turned into grass, I realized, Oh, no! Now I have to mow it! I'm glad you found my blog so I could find you. And I'm glad I make you snort, but don't do it with wine in your mouth. It might come out your nose. Your dog is adorable.

    Love,
    Janie

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  17. I'm really loving your blog! I live on 5 acres, and would love to have it look like that one. Guess it's time to start adding on to my little flower gardens! Great post, you're so funny!

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    1. I'm glad you found me! I tried to reply by e-mail, but you're a "no-reply blogger." :(

      -andi

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  18. We had a HUGE garden growing Up too, hated pulling weeds, never wanted to garden either! I have a beautiful yard now, no garden, but lots of flowers which is what I like! If you have rabbits or deer be sure to account for them with you plant choices... I've learned that the hard way! They don't like herbs, lavender, or lambs ear for sure... Have fun and grow something pretty!

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  19. That's lovely, but looks like a sh&%load of work! I grew up with a garden and hate green beans to this day. I was disappointed your first picture didn't show up. I was hoping it was worst than my flower beds so I could feel a little better about my sucky skills!

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    1. Really? It didn’t show up for you? I can see it on my computer and on my Kindle… that’s so strange! Maybe it’s a browser thing? I use Mozilla Firefox…it seems to be the most reliable for me. My garden really does look like poo.

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  20. I found your site after coming into the house after throwing a tantrum in my veggie garden.....nice to see I am not alone and thanks for making me smile! I will not give up.

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    1. Haha! Awesome! Well, I’m glad you stopped by for a visit! I’m totally planning on being a REAL gardener someday…(like Pinocchio…)

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