Sunday, April 28, 2013

cluck pot pie {the sloppy chef series}

My chicken pot pie recipe has evolved over the years, but I think I finally have it nailed. 

This recipe makes 2 pies.

I start with a roasted chicken from Sam's Club.  Yep, that's my secret.  But you can buy a roasted chicken pretty much anywhere... or...{should I even say it?} roast your own.  Nope, I won't say it. 

I highly recommend you do the following step a day in advance:

You'll need:
One dead, roasted chicken
32-oz container chicken broth
1 medium onion, chopped
10 whole peppercorns
2 cups water
2 chicken cubes 
(any other veggies you like to add to make broth--carrots, celery, medical marijuana, etc.) 

This particular chicken seems to be missing a breast, and it appears one of its legs has been gnawed off.




Sorry, we had to have something for dinner last night. 

Remove the majority of meat off Sir Cluck and chop it up and save it for later.  (You will not need all the meat for this recipe; probably about of half Mr. Cluck will do it.)

Save ALL the skin, bones, slime, etc. to go in the broth pot.  Doesn't it look disgusting??


Once you've picked his carcass somewhat clean, put Clucky in a pot along with the et ceteraDrown him in the chicken broth and water; add chopped onions, whole peppercorns, and a couple chicken cubes for good measure.  (If you really want to get crazy, you can rinse the gloop from the chicken container into your pot...I do, Dave...)



Bring your brew to a very low boil slowly and simmer for about 2 hours, stirring occasionally.

Strain all the broth (into a bowl...not down the drain) and after the danger of burning your fingers has passed, pick the rest of the meat out of the remains (my dog loves this part).

You may now bury the remains.

Crust:
(Or just buy Pillsbury.  Suit yourself, I'm easy--but this is a REALLY awesome crust.)

Whisk together:
2 1/2 c. flour
2 T. Sugar
3/4 t. salt
Cut In:
3/4 c. shortening (I like butter-flavored)
1/4 c. cold (REAL) butter, in pieces (no substitutions, exchanges, or refunds)



Combine this with pastry cutter until crumbly and pea-sized.  Do NOT combine until it's "doughy."  Especially if you have an older sister who will make fun of you for the next 20+ years for doing so.



Sprinkle 6-8 T. ICE-cold water (a couple Tbs at a time), and toss with a fork until it just comes together.  (Don't add too much water.)



THEN you can mush it altogether.  Divide into 2 parts; wrap in cellophane (there's that word again) and toss in fridge for at least an hour.

 

And The Rest ("What's this 'And the rest' crap?"):
3 medium potatoes, cut into small cubes
4 medium carrots, chopped (ignore photo below)
15 oz pkg frozen french-cut green beans


Okay, so here's where you put in whatever veggies suit your fancy.  I'm using russets, because that's usually what I have on hand.  And I like taters, Precious.  I usually leave the skins on as well.  If they're getting a little yucky, I'll peel them.

Except my Pampered Chef peeler has lost its mind and won't even peel butter anymore.  So I found this one at the store.  Even though I'm not peeling the potatoes.  But it's so cute.




I show mini carrots in the picture above, but I found some regular ones in the fridge.  (I bought the minis so I wouldn't have to peel carrots with my useless Pampered Chef peeler, but then I remembered I just bought the new one...except my new one has a potato on it so I don't know if that will work on carrots.)

I don't know why I use fresh potatoes and carrots, then buy frozen green beans, but I do.  And I like the Frenchy ones.

So, simmer the carrots and potatoes till almost tender...about 8 minutes.  Then throw in the frozen beans for a couple more minutes.  Drain.

The Best Part--GRAVY:
1 stick REAL butter (I never said this was a skinny recipe)
12 T. flour
Your yummy broth you made from Clucky (about 4 cups)
Salt, pepper, poultry seasoning, sage, onion powder, and garlic powder to taste

Melt butter in large saucepan over low-medium heat.  Add flour and mix well.  Let bubble on low for about 20 minutes to brown the flour and make a lovely roux.  

 
Turn up the heat to medium-high, and slowly add broth, whisking to blend (no lumps please).  Keep adding broth and stirring until thickened and kinda bubbly.  Add salt, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, etc.  Whatever plucks your chicken.  (I forgot to take a picture of the finished gravy.  It looked like gravy.)

Let's Put It All Together.  But first...Wine.



I really like this glass, but I don't understand how they misspelled "HO."

Back to the Pie:

Combine your cooked veggies and chopped chicken in a large bowl.  Add/stir in gravy to desired gravy-ness (About 3 cups--I like lots...and the veggies will absorb some, so put in extra--and serve leftover gravy alongside your pie!).  Spoon into 2 sprayed pie pans. 



Get your pie dough out of the fridge and roll out onto a very floured surface (this will prevent the dough from sticking and you from swearing).  Place over your yummy filling and crimp edges and poke slits in the top so your pies don't explode.  I usually carve a chicken on mineApparently this one is a royal cluck.

Be One With The Chicken


Bake at 425 for 40-45 minutes or until the bottom of your oven is covered in boiled-over gravy.  Just kidding.  Hopefully you didn't fill your pie pan quite that full.  I've done that before.  It stinks up the whole house.  You'll also probably want to cover the edges of your crust about halfway through the baking time so it isn't reduced to ashes.

Let it sit for a few minutes before cutting in.  Then...YUM!


I know what you're thinking. Did she drink six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a Longaberger Pie Plate, the most powerful pie plate in the world, and would blow your oven door clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel Clucky?' Well, do ya punk?

I gots ta know!

-the sloppy chef


These noms were featured!

18 comments:

  1. You are so stinkin funny! Thank you for helping me find a new use for that leftover medical marijuana! My potato scrubbing brush (yes I have one) looks like, well a potato half and would probably like a date with your peeler. I'm sad to know that my pampered chef peeler is going to get dull someday. Damn. Your pie looks wonderful though and it's breakfast time and I want some!

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  2. This post is so hilarious and had me in stitches:) Your cluck pot pie looks yummy. I will have to try it!

    Hugz,
    Sumaya

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  3. I love chicken pie!! That little chicken is so cute!!

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  4. Mannnnn, I love to eat chicken pot pie, but I've never made one because they seem so dang time consuming! I'm a lazy eater...

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  5. In all these years, I have YET to make homemade chicken pot pie. If I thought I could be as funny and entertaining as you are while doing it, I might try one! Wine Ho, Dirty Harry....divine!

    I am now very happily following you!

    Love, Joy @ Yesterfood.blogspot.com

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  6. All out of medical marijuana....crap! how am i going to make this pie?!?! I really like the chicken you cut into the crust. Following you right back! :) Heather

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  7. Ilove a good pot pie! Looks so yummy! I would love for you to come link up to my party and follow along! http://alivedinhome.blogspot.com/2013/04/get-social-sunday_28.html

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  8. You had WAYYY too much fun making that chicken pot pie... if only I had that much fun when cooking. Love the wine glass comment and your little spud dude.

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  9. Looks delicious and I'll be making this as soon as the pot crop comes in. Your reward for making me laugh on a rainy Monday, is I'm your newest follower. Try to contain your excitement! lol

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  10. I love your post and recipe share...yummy & so funny! How did they misspell "HO" ?! ;) Thank you so much for sharing recipes at our very first Link Party at Inspiration cafe! GREAT recipe! Pinning!!!

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  11. Andi, This is probably the most fun I ever had reading a recipe!! I had no idea cooking could be so much fun (because I'm not the best cook!) but I do love chicken pot pie, so I'm going to try this one, but with the shorts cuts you suggest:) and I'm pinning your adorable Cluck Pot Pie!! ~ Amy

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  12. I'm not much of a cook, thanks for clarifying that I needed a dead chicken, I would have been so confused. You're the best xo

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  13. OMG...you are too funny!!! I will need to follow you just to see what you say next :)

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  14. Ha! What a great post, and all the others I've been reading here! I sent your link to my mom, dad and sister too, cuz I don't want them to miss out on your blog! Thank you for the laughs! Strangely, I am making mini-chicken pot pies tonight (even tho it is finally BBQ weather, that's how we roll in my house!)... If/when I blog my recipe, I will link your blog so that more peeps can laugh!

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  15. hahaha dead chicken! Awesome post Andi and such a yummy dish too!

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  16. I always love visiting your blog! Your posts are awesome, and this pot pie looks fabulous!! Thank you so much for sharing with us at A Bouquet of Talent this week. So thrilled to have you share with us. Happy Friday!!
    Hugs
    Kathy

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  17. Oh.My.Gosh. Andi, you crack me up! Do you think chives could replace the medical marijuana? No? I didn't think so. It looks like a lot of work, but so worth it. Thank you for sharing it at to What We Accomplished Wednesdays. Have a great week!

    Hugs,
    Deborah

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  18. I will have to try this! I don't know why pot pie scares me. Thank you for sharing on Memories by the Mile.

    Bevin from WhoNeedsaCape.com

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