Tuesday, July 2, 2013

dumpster diving -- in my own dumpster

I've officially hit rock bottom and I need an intervention.

Unless, of course, y'all can give me some good ideas.

(That's the first time I've ever used "y'all" on the blog.  I'm test-driving it...see how I like it.  No, I'm not from the South, but it just feels happier than saying, "you guys.")

I wasn't going to cover anything relating to the re-shingling of our current home, because there just wasn't much of interest to report.  Philly and our son Anthony tore it down:

For some reason, I can't resist taking butt-shots.  It's a genetic thing.  My whole family does it.  (Well, MY side of the family does it.)  Hey.  I can't be blamed if people insist on bending over.

And in case you were under the illusion that I'm a princess, dream on.  Dream it till the dream comes true.  See this pile?  While I didn't drag the entire pile to Dumpy the Dumpster, I did drag a goodly portion.  On a bedsheet.  All the way around to the front of the house.  And picked them up and threw them into Dumpy.  And this is before the pile got really big.

Here's Dumpy.  Oh dear.  It looks like Dumpy is taking a pissy all over the driveway.

This is where the story gets interesting.

I love throwing stuff away.  There have only been a handful of times in my entire life that I've regretted throwing anything away.  Usually it's a good thing.  And Philly has been working so hard cleaning out his garage, that I bit my tongue when he asked if we should throw this out.  
See the looooong box in Dumpy?

That's full of leftover plate rail from our kitchen.

This stuff:

I quietly nodded and watched them go javelin-style into Dumpy.

{Now I'm really going to make you cringe.  See those cabinet doors above?  We had some rejects when we built the house and those got thrown out last summer.  I even approved it.  Then I started reading blogs and found out all the wonderfully cool things you can do with cabinet doors.  I'm sick.  That's one of the few times I've regretted throwing something out.}

Anyway, you know how they talk about people who are trying to lose weight, and they throw away their box of donuts, then later dig them back out of the trash and go into a feeding frenzy?  That's how I felt.  Sneaking into my own dumpster.  What if the neighbors saw me?  I even toyed with the idea of waiting until dark.  Except then Philly would be home.  And he would KNOW.

Speaking of donuts and husbands, I have to share a short anecdote (is that redundant?).  When my sister was pregnant, she always kept a box of (8) Entenmann's chocolate-covered donuts for her husband.  He was normal.  He could eat one and walk away.  Not us.  And certainly not while pregnant.  He left for work and she ate a donut.  And another.  And another.  Until the whole box was gone.  That's 7 donuts, folks.  (Remember, her husband ate the first one.)

In a panic, she ran waddled back up to the store and bought another box.  But he'd eaten one; therefore, she had to eat the "replacement."  Perfect.  Now it's just as he left it.  Except she knew he would never believe that she went the whole day without eating a donut, so she ate another one.  

"There.  Now he'll think I've only eaten one," she mused.

Nine Entenmann's (full-size, mind you) donuts in one day.

That's 2700 calories and 180 fat grams.  But hey...baby needs to eat, right?

Okay, back to my dilemma.  I dragged my treasure back out of Dumpy, and "hid" it in the garage.

Shhh...I'll be very quiet and I won't move.
His visual acuity is based on movement...just like T-Rex.

I wonder how long it will take before he notices?

So...what say you?  What are some really cool things I can do with these to justify their existence (and mine)?

He's going to kill me.

If you don't hear from me for a few days, please come check to see if I'm in Dumpy.  And if you find me, you're more than welcome to pry the plate rail from my cold, dead hands.

After all that work, someone should do something with it...


  1. I grab things out of the trash and hide them in the garage from john all of the time! they never notice : P

  2. We have the plate rails from old cabinets that have the spindles, and were never put up. I've really been struggling with throwing them out. It will be interesting to see what you come up with for yours! Oh! My family is into butt shots, I'm sure between all of us we have enough to fill an album!!

  3. That is exactly the te stuff you can't throw away. Go to Pinterest and type in wood trim hooks or something.

  4. LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO!!! (Thank you) :D

  5. This was funny the eating the donuts and getting something out of the dumpster and hiding it in the gargare in plain site...........funny because you are not alone doing stuff like that.........

  6. I love throwing out stuff, too. I am also notorious for giving things away--then later asking for them back! However, in my defense, I usually give them to my kids, so that isn't really bad, is it? :/ I have always wanted a dumpster...

  7. This sounds exactly like something I would do...if I ever actually threw anything out.

  8. HAH! We girls have to be sneaky sneakertons sometimes, because boys just don't understand.

  9. that story about your sister is hilarious!

    I am cringing at the thrown out cabinets too.

  10. It drives me crazy that when I have something tiled, I always have leftover tile. It's expensive and I don't know what to do with it. Maybe when I'm really annoyed I can put it in the street and smash it with a hammer. I wish I had a dumpster, but I really wish I had a port-a-potty.


  11. Yeah, I've used y'all a few times and I feel weird since I am not from the South either. You crack me up. I had a thing for chocolate donuts and the Kraft cheddar singles when I was pregnant with #1. I would actually eat them together. Yes, gross, I know!

  12. Oh you are hilarious! I would have done the same thing though! So....I would cut two chunks (the same length) then wood glue them together, clamp them and make some cool bases for stuff...check out some of Amy at While Wearing Heels, cool bases.

  13. So much to love here! I totally did the Twinkie replacement box while pregnant. You had me dying at "visual acuity." I will be the first one to come lookin' for you if you disappear! Hilarious hilarious post.

    1. :) That really means a lot Marianne...thanks!!


  14. Ok I've done the same thing with food as your sister - while NOT being pregnant - usually with chips !!!
    What a hilarious post - all of it - something for everyone in here LOL

  15. Great doughnut story!! I love the way my husband and sons all freeze up when I spot a dumpster or a pile of old wood. They also love it when I start my sentences with, "I saw this idea on Pinterest...." This was a great post!

  16. Omg- hilarity!

    I can relate to eating a box of donuts! It's why I can't keep those kinds of treats here. I will eat til I make myself sick! I tell my husband to hide that stuff- then on one particularly bad day I told him I needed candy bars. He refused with something like " you said no!" And then I actually threatened him with " I will tear this f$$king kitchen apart!"

    Classy, eh?

    Your dumpster dive is hilarious. A few years ago my hubby and I helped declutter his parents house to get it ready to sell. His stepdad did not lift a finger in five days. He watched, smoked, invited friends over and complained. Broken items were " still good! I was going to put that up at Christmas!" Me: " but Santa's missing an arm and is nude! No!"

    He dug it back out! He walks with a cane, but kept opening some side door that allowed easy access.

    By day three I'd had it and started throwing our dog's poop in there so as to keep him out. It worked!

    I'm here to help! ;)


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